A Rather Silly History Of Coventry

by David Goody

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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Is Life Too Short Or Am I Too Tall, A Very Nihilist Christmas EP, A Rather Silly History Of Coventry, A Good Christmas To Die Hard, It's Meant to Sound Like This, Jingled Out, Banjaxed, Can't Be Explained On A Ukulele, and 1 more. , and , .

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1.	Cofa And The Art Of Tree Planting 01:52	lyrics	buy track
The name Coventry comes from Cofa’s Tree A tree that did stand on the edge of Cofa’s land So forget the river, or the goddess Coventina Just relax and listen, to how the city was christened My man Cofa had it going on Like a Saxon Monty Don He did formal planting with Roman box And gardens made of herbs, moss or rocks He knew this Warwickshire town was happening So he wanted to mark it with a sapling But he had 99 problems and clay soil was one You get too much rain, your root balls over-run With no drainage solution he felt forlorn Then he thought, “hey I’ll plant it by the Sherbourne” Then he placed the tree that made history And everyone sang most knowingly “Mighty things grow from tiny acorns What majestic wonders are yet to born A towering cathedral bringing light to the dark And most wondrous of all... ...a big Primark” If you want more check out his medium blog On how to chop the perfect firewood log
2.	Lady Godiva 02:12	lyrics	buy track
Lady Godiva was one of the wealthiest women is England A benevolent patron of many religious and charitable institutions Someone who not only survived, but thrived after the Norman conquests... ...but that’s not what she’s remembered for Lady Godiva, parading through the street Flashing every person that you meet They get an eyeful, it causes accidents What did you do with the clothes I sent? The gentle folk all barricade their windows But the tailor man is peeping like a Tom In Coventry it seems that anything goes Put something on Lady Godiva, bearing both your breasts Your long hair’s no substitute for a vest Lady Godiva, riding on your steed Humbling Earl Leofric with this deed You say you are protesting taxation But your nudity just causes a sensation Love Island is your next destination Put something on Lady Godiva, Mercia countess Did you just forget to put in your dress?
3.	The Spire That Won't Expire 02:28	lyrics	buy track
Want to know my favourite, Of the three spires It’s the one that’s been built, by the Greyfriars Many other buildings, have been and gone But this one’s still standing, like Elton John Take a wandering band of Franciscan monks Add Cheylesmore quarries sandstone chunks You’ve got a lovely tower, a classic design But boy was it born under a bad sign King Henry came and it got awkward The monastery went replaced with an orchard The rest of the church came tumbling down But the spire was left untouched by the crown What followed were lean times I won’t deny There was an extended run as a pigsty Then they added a new church, a gorgeous one It got flattened in a Nazi bombing run But the spire still stands where it’s always been Somewhere between lonely and serene A building of dramatic starkness As invincible as Captain Jack Harkness It’s spire that won’t expire Through wind & rain, bombs & fire Whatever bad luck transpires It’s harder than Omar from The Wire It’s got no plans to retire Man I miss drinking in Inspire Built by a bunch of Clever geezers So it Doesn’t lean like the one in Pisa It can withstand any hurricane or storm You see that’s the beauty of your cruciform It could sustain an attack by Godzilla And only need a touchup with Polyfilla If there’s a weak spot I’ve yet to hear it Though we didn’t let Fred Dibnah near it It’s spire that won’t expire It’s got no plans to retire Man I miss drinking in Inspire
4.	Getting Fresh With The Black Prince 02:27	lyrics	buy track
Cheylesmore Manor, the Camera Principis House the prince who did all this I see a prince in black armour Has got you in a headlock Well shouldn’t mess with Edward The earl of Woodstock (Not that Woodstock...) Now this is a story all about how Prince Edwards life turned upside down And I'd like to tell you how he left Cheylesmore To become the hero of the 100 years war In Woodstock Palace born and raised Gaining titles is where he spent most of his days Chester, Cornwall and the Prince of Wales Compared to Cheylesmore it all pales But some French royals were up to no good They weren’t acting as neighbours should You want a little fight? the king roared Saddle up Edward, this means war! The... fool... Phillip the Sixth found things got messy When took on Edward at the battle of Crecy King John of France thought he had him outflanked But Edwards army routed them like a tank Henry of Trastamara wanted to rule Castile Edward helped bring him quickly to heel Then he looked at his kingdom, people said awe No man did more, in the 100 years war If he’d only stayed in Coventry He might not have died of dysentery
5.	All Hail The Coventry Godcake 03:02	lyrics	buy track
The Coventry Godcake, all hail, all hail Against it all other cakes do pale The Sky Blue snack, thought it’s not coloured that way A Coventry Godcake will make your day It’s mincemeat wrapped in fine pastry With sugar on top sprinkled lovingly Make your corners and incisions number 3 To pay tribute to the holy trinity - If you make your triangles isoceles Then your pastries are bound to please Don’t waste your mincemeat in a mince pie To Eccles Cakes you should wave bye bye - It’s baking that’s done as it should It needs no support from Paul Hollywood Forget your trendy obsession with cupcakes It’s the English classics we must partake - Sit back while I impart some history Let’s go back to the 14th century When Chaucer topped the bestseller lists And the Coventry Godcake started to exist - Given by godparents, received with glee They cost from a pound to a ha’penny So good they were eaten by everyone As ubiquitous as a hot cross bun - Key to Godcakes is the puff pastry Whereas Chorleys are shortcrust & Eccles flaky Though there is contention, truth be told Do you slice the pastry or give it a fold? - These Godcakes have a great legacy Even jam puffs are known as Coventrys And if all this isn’t trivia enough The grass in the corner of a fork in the road is actually called a jam puff (Too obscure? OK)
6.	Adopt Adapt Improve 02:40	lyrics	buy track
Adopt adopt improve Or do something else instead If we can’t be the best We’ll knock it on the head Back in the 18th century Weaving was our big industry Your appearance would be unforgiven If you’re not trimmed in Coventry ribbon But then came a factory boom And we didn’t fancy the Jacquard Loom We pride ourselves on cottage weaving And if that’s not your bag then we’ll be leaving The kids of weavers made time machines Watches, clocks and sewing machines But when those trades could no longer succeed We heard about the velocopede A French invention with a lot to like But we can build a better bike First the safety cycle by John Starley Then Mr Davidson, meet Mr Harley Two wheels good, four wheels better Let’s put the car into carburettor Instead of feeling down in the dumps We turned to cars and it was a triumph Our companies really set the Standard By which I mean we were in the vanguard From fancy cloth to a Hillman minx We have a boom and then it shrinks
7.	By George! 02:35	lyrics	buy track
By George! (Elliott) to be precise An author whose novels are great, nice But By George! (There’s) been stagnation Lets liven them up for our generation ...And with these new creations we shall cause a real sensation Let’s take the tale of Silas Marner The lonely weaver who waits for karma You’ve got the theft of gold not once but twice So let’s turn this into an exciting heist Think Oceans eleven meets the Italian Job With churches not casinos fit to be robbed Then drive to Warwickshire in horse drawn minis And count your glittering pot of guineas Critics adore Mill on the floss But the kindle crowd will be at a loss The romantic intrigues of idealist Maggie Feature no rumpy pumpy and are frankly baggy Let’s get hot gypsies and make it fiery Less walks in the woods, more Bridget Jones Diary The couple drowning is far too tragic So let’s let one live to be more like Titanic Middlemarch is surely perfect Any tinkering just isn’t worth it The finest novel in English prose Well so says Amis and he usually knows But it’s a sad and impenetrable piece of art I mean, pick a main character for a start No-one wants psychological insight We want moody vampires like in Twilight
8.	Elephants Everywhere 02:17	lyrics	buy track
Manchester has the worker bee Hartlepool had a mayor monkey Though Hartlepool monkeys are in short supply Since they hung the first as a Foreign spy But I’m not a fan of the Preston lamb Or swan & stag of Buckingham So a simple plan I’d advocate Is a knockout competition to set things straight —And in that competition we will be triumphant —Because a worker bee’s trumped by an elephant Elephants, elephants everywhere From the council house to Broadgate square Elephants, elephants everywhere Does it make any sense, do I look like I care? Every other city. Where’s your sense of adventure We’ve got an elephant shaped sports centre Nowhere in Leicester has giant clocks Made in the shape of a red fox A roundabout shaped like a liver bird Would strike Liverpool folks as absurd So don’t think of our city as concrete grey It’s the colour of elephants, that’s what I say Did they help St George to slay the dragon? Or rest against trees when they were flaggin’? They’ve been here since we had the Black Prince And they really hard, so we put ‘em on bollards
9.	Larkin's Lost Landmarks 02:28	lyrics	buy track
I wanted a lark, so I read Philip Larkin He’s not a fan of Cov / I hear you remarking We’re his seeds of ambivalence first truly sowed When they flattened his house for the new ring road Or that he never did more than look across At barmaid he adored in the Golden Cross There was never any hope of making whoppee As sex wasn’t invented until ‘63 The cathedral font where he was baptised Well in the war it got vaporised The cobbled old streets left a great impression But they were soon marked for demolition Jazz at the hippodrome thrilled Phil as a boy But the venue itself of course it’s been destroyed So when he says “Coventry, I remember” He means “my word, it’s been dismembered!” I wanted a lark / so I read Philip Larkin I wasn’t prepared / for what I was embarking Dour pessimism arranged in stanzas It’s hardly a fun filled extravaganza I maybe a heathen / Or maybe just thick In place of lyrical prose / I’d take a limerick. So when you venture into verse remember this is true Poets, they muck you up they do
10.	My Mate Frank 02:27	lyrics	buy track
My mate Frank had a good idea as good as you can get forget all the bits In an piston engine and invent the turbojet His flying officer at the RAF // made A very important statement Your turbojet’s a clever idea so // Make sure you take out a patent Then while you sort out all the problems // go back to what you know Aerobatics, showing off // and flying too darn too low Alan Arnold Griffith, was first man to review it He found an error in the calcs, and claimed Whittle blew it Too large, weak and impractical, he surmised with a sigh To be Frank my dear Whittle, this idea will never fly British Thompson Houston were a little more enthused Their Chief engineer liked // The plans that he perused But when asked to give some funding // they felt bound to reply To be Frank my dear Whittle, this idea will never fly In 35 the Patent lapsed // The whole idea nearly collapsed Then one last spin with no regrets // Go all in and found power jets There was toil and there was heartache // The progress was gradual When you’re inventing the future // There’s no Haynes manual The finally they watched it go An mph of 3 7 0 Amongst the noise “it flies” they cried “That’s what it’s blooming meant to do” - Whittle replied
11.	How To Destroy A City 02:50	lyrics	buy track
2 X-Appartus navigational device beams cross over the target 13 specially modified Heinkel planes drop marker flares and initial incendiary devices 515 bombers head towards the target. First they drop high explosive bombs to knock out the utilities and crater the roads. Hampering the fire brigade\s ability to control the impending blaze They also shatter roofs making it easier for the incendiary bombs that follow to ignite buildings This bombing raid continues for 10 hours, building into a firestorm of over 200 fires Daimler factory destroyed Humber hillman factory destroyed Alfred herbert factory destroyed 11 aircraft & naval factories destroyed More than 4300 homes, two-thirds if the city’s buildings, destroyed. It engulfs the cathedral at the city’s heart It silences hundreds of innocent lives. It effectively destroys a city. And yet, you have not destroyed a city at all. It’s soul still remains and it’s humanity still remains. And it’s people will rise and rebuild, and embrace a spirit of reconciliation. Never forgetting, but never being defined by their past.
12.	Donald - The Man With A Plan 02:26	lyrics	buy track
Meet Donald - the man with a plan! (x2) Due to the blitz, your cities in bits But here comes a man, with a plan that fits Meet Donald - the man with a plan! (x2) Coventry’s Corbusier Didn’t wait for the rubble to be cleared away A city of the future was his scheme Not some half baked Milton Keynes It’s a poly centric new adventure Creating zones in the city centre With buildings all harmonious Remove anything erroneous These medieval buildings are obsolete So Let’s shift them into old spon street We’ve got a masterplan to complete Not using timber but concrete We hate congestion, so let’s rethink A traffic free shopping precinct Your Alvis motor, you need to park it? Use the circular deck, atop the market. He caught the spirit of ‘53 Which in hindsight’s not a great legacy He didn’t have the budget of Brasilia And the public wanted something familiar At times it seems like his work’s in vain They wrecked the central plan with cathedral lanes He tried to win over all the haters Then they add an unslightly escalator Poor Donald - The man with a plan (x2) An inspiring scheme that really fits But he only got to implement bits
13.	A London Taxi Ain't From Hackney 02:27	lyrics	buy track
A London taxi ain’t from Hackney Your cab don’t come, from Dagenham No need to pimp your ride, or try new tricks With a TX4, from CV6 It’s the iconic motor, we can all afford No need for a car loan, just hop on board The rich and famous, still take a cab As will the pissed bloke, with a kebab Owned & driven, by Stephen Fry Although he never, picks up passers by You can turn on a sixpence, like a Thomson’s gazelle Which you need for drop offs, at the Savoy Hotel A taxi by Fiat? I don’t want to see it When there’s a British design, that’s so divine So stuff the limos, and up yours Uber An old school cabbie, is the finest chaffeur The Austin FX3 opened the door Then came the TX1 to TX4 Along the way was the Fairway Now met the new kid, the plugin hybrid
14.	One More Cathedral Than You 03:30	lyrics	buy track
Though they may struggle on the football field The folk of Sheffield are quite well heeled In the streets of Durham you may succumb To mix of the divine and the humdrum There's a sense of glee when you reach Ely Because there's so little else in the fens to see But I'd only invest a, day in Leicester If they accept my request to be a crisp tester I'm happy to give these places my backing But there's a certain something they are lacking And it's a certain something you'll clearly see If you take a trip to Coventry - because.. We've got one more cathedral than you We've got one more cathedral than you That big church with it's gorgeous views? Well you've got one and Cov's got two Cov's ruined cathedral has a certain grandeur And we've got a new one right next door A modern cathedral in every sense Designed by the master Basil Spence Come inside to see the majesty Of the worlds largest tapestry Other cities were bombed by the Luftwaffe But their new buildings are much naffer It adds some style to Carlisle And gives a lustre to the south of Worcester A cathedral in your city means you're set to stun But two are better than one - and...
15.	Delia's Not From Derbyshire 02:39	lyrics	buy track
Delia’s not from Derbyshire She’s not from Timbuktu She changed the music that we hear With the theme from Doctor Who The heroine of the sixties Isn’t Mary Quant It’s the radiophonic workshop’s Musical Duchamp She could visualise music By looking at LP grooves And was a master at manipulating How a waveform moves With tape machines & samples She achieved an almighty feat Creating the worlds most mainstream Musical concrete The finest audio alchemist The great found sound creator Coaxing soundscapes from a lampshade Or raft of oscillators One Delia taught us Perfect egg boiling technique The other one perfected musique acousmatique
16.	Rules Of The Coventry Ring Road 03:34	lyrics	buy track
Round & round & round we go / Where we stop, no-one knows It is a road without end / And it’s driving me right round the bend Welcome to the highway code / For the Coventry ring road A modern marvel for commuters / Designed on Coventry’s first computer Unless you’re clinically insane / Remain in the right hand lane The left hand lane has a single function / Joining or leaving at a junction The exits are in close proximity / With cars leaving and joining it’s lunacy The slip roads are slip shod / You’re best to put your foot down & pray to god Never drive faster than forty / Speeding is incredibly naughty It’s not a circuit for a Grand Prix / It’s the A 4053 The locals drive like psychos / The visitors are clueless The risk of a fatality / Is too huge to assess There's some impertinent soul / Driving up my bum And if he doesn't back off / I will beat him like a drum My favourite junction overlooks IKEA / But the slip road by Wickes fills me with fear You might complain about the M25 / But at least you're likely to come out alive This ring road is a death trap / It makes a sat nav weep with fear If a nuclear war destroys the earth / I bet the ring road will still be here! You can get your kicks on Route 66 And have your fun on Highway 61 But the Tarmac of choice near my abode The Coventry Ringway Ring Road!
17.	Ding Ding (When Chuck Came To Town) 02:36	lyrics	buy track
Chuck Berry, the father of rock and roll Only had a single number one hit It wasn’t Maybelline, or Johnny B Goode, It was a quirky little thing called My Ding A Ling He didn’t record it in Chicago or New York He didn’t cut it in Hitsville USA He recorded it in what became the library, of the UK’s motor city It was go Johnny go at the Locarno When Chuck played after Slade at a festival show Backed by middling Caucasians from across the land The folks who became the average white band From the back a hack was heard to cry “Chuck stole rock and roll from Marty McFly” Ding ding – he played my ding a ling It was a hell of a gig, it tore of the ceiling Everyone there was rocking and reeling He went on too long and the suits were annoyed Can’t you hear we need to clear this place for Pink Floyd But the crowd kept on chanting “we want Chuck” Dark side of the moon, oh who gives a f... No-one’s claiming that it’s his best song But boy did the crowd all sing a long As epic smut goes it’s top of the genre 11 whole minutes of single entendre
18.	The Day I Bought The Ghost Town Car 03:22	lyrics	buy track
[The Ghost Town (Car) Is parked up on my driveway] x2 - KIT from knight rider means nothing to me Forget the Dukes Of Hazard General Lee I knew I’d bagged a real star The day I bought the Ghost Town car (Ghost town car chords x 2) - In the Autumn of 1981 // My old car, was dead and done Then I saw, a Vauxhall Cresta // Who looked so good, I caressed her It’s roughly the size of a minibus // And holds 7 musicians with no fuss Hear it cruising down the street // The skarburettor playing a Bradbury beat It’s not Jerry built it was Jerry owned Well, when they shot the video Dammers had it on loan But from the streets of Cov to the banks of the Thames There’s no better Ford or Mercedes Benz - (Chorus then ghost town car chords x 2) - It was sold to me by some Camden chap A cockney geezer who gave it all that He said “You’ll like driving in this car // It’s better than a Jaguar You can drive it to Foleshill // And turn the head of Jimmy Hill” - Upon arriving, tensions were rising Because Terry Hall, had made it stall This handles like a van said Horace Gentleman But Neville said “so?” and cranked the stereo Then someone in the back yelled "radiation leak" Roddy’d had a slash on the back seat Then Lynval cried and we asked him why? He said... The brakes won’t work no more // Too much racing on the ring road [The Ghost Town (Car) has crashed into a lamppost]
19.	Pete Waterman's Ultimate Cheese Shop 03:03	lyrics	buy track
Welcome one, welcome all to my delicatessen In the ways of the cheese I want to give you a lesson A blue veined Stilton may have depth and drama But surely you'd prefer some bananarama A nutty Jarlsberg is OK with Ryvita But it's not as sublime as Divine or Sinitta Why settle for Camembert or settle for Brie? When I've got a lovely piece of this Rick Astley [You're never going to give that up] Cheese, cheese, just bring me cheese I want 80s pop that is bound to please As a gourmet experience you can't top Pete Waterman's ultimate cheese shop There is some cheese that is always in vogue A firm Parmesan or a bouncy Minogue A cheese of this order is always thought of highly Who wouldn't want a cave aged Kylie? But not every soap star has the same talents Get the wrong balance and you get Holly Valance Some cheese won't age well, no matter how good the cellar Pity Jason Donovan, the poor fella Forget your guitars and your vocal ranges Just get a catchy beat and 3 key changes I don't want art that sits on a plinth Give me endless number ones made on a Fairlight synth The finest cheese making artisans Have nothing on Stock, Aitken & Waterman Their fromage selection is delectable But it ain't never going to be respectable
20.	Gary Mabbutt's Knee 02:40	lyrics	buy track
No where on earth is just like heaven But it came close in 87 When thousands from Coventry Headed down to Wemberley There was a rocky start they couldn’t afford As 2 minutes in Clive Allen scored It seemed the dream couldn’t be deader But they didn’t count on a Houchen header And then in extra time... ...divine intervention From the finest body part... …I can ever mention Forget the smile of the Mona Lisa And the towering pyramids of Giza I’m not impressed by the Sistine chapel Or new smart phones designed by Apple Call Chanel & Dior As there should be debate no more That beauty’s true apogee Is Gary Mabbut’s knee That fateful knee bound deflection placed the ball to perfection It was clear the fates had aligned Just hand the trophy to Kilcline From kick a rounds at the singer factory Via Jimmy Hill’s alacrity To days when boys in a sky blue tunic Would defeat the likes Of Bayern Munich. And now this… ..to top it all off The FA Cup… …held aloft [Chrous] Middle 8 I’m Frankly not that partial To Beckhams metatarsal You can’t impress me with the span Of Gordon Banks hands And let’s just all gloss over Bobby Charlton’s combover As nothing is as heavenly As Gary Mabbutt’s knee The finest thing you’ll ever see... Nothings shaped as majestically... No amount of praise is hyperbole.. Nothing has finer accuracy... Chas & Dave gaze ruefully... Nothing speaks better cock-er-ney Can we build a statue on Whoberley... The finest thing you’ll ever see...
21.	Can You See What George Shaw Saw? 02:44	lyrics	buy track
A nom for Turner Prize, is a bit of a surprise When every canvas that you fill, just shows a bit of Tile Hill The dog poo bin, looks amazing Though you painted it, with an airfix kit From kick abouts on the ponderosa To pubs being flattened by a bulldozer Sights that defined his childhood Fade like sodden porn in Limbrick wood The stop at the top & the banana flats In the Black Prince for drunken chats Where the garages have more resonance Than the landmark church by Basil Spence Can you see what George Shaw saw? Coventry as it was before… The Co-op sleigh ride, fishy Moore’s And Parsons Nose pies we all adore There’s a Phoenix rising, a city rousing And an awful lot of student housing We’ll live and die for The Enemy And the Sky Blues were back at Wembley But do you forgo Fargo, for a cheeky Nando’s? Or cheer a culture city where everything goes? Do you hum Jay1 in the morning air? Or moan about the changes to Broadgate square?

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released January 1, 2021

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David Goody Coventry, UK

Combining bizarre ideas, ridiculous rhymes & strange musical instruments gives you:
David Goody - absurd comic song creator.

In a world of bland ballads and prosaic lyrics there is a need for more music about hypnotised chickens, quantum physics, biscuit psychology, fascist fruit and the Coventry inner city ring road. ... more